Complaints I Have as a Marilyn Fan

December 2003

I've been a Marilyn Monroe fan since 1985 or so. Here are some of the things I find annoying about it. (This will be an on-going list, meaning I may be adding more complaints to it in the future.)

If it's asked with a sincere desire to know, I don't have a problem with it.

Usually, however, this question is asked with a condescending tone or with a smug look, as though the person asking it cannot possibly understand why or how anyone can like Marilyn so much.

If I have to explain to someone with such a haughty and rude demeanor why I like Monroe, they'll never understand anyway -- since these cynical types are the ones who usually dismiss Monroe as being a dumb, blonde airhead anyway.

They have already concluded that it is ridiculous or idiotic to be a Monroe fan. They should just keep their rude traps shut.

And let me put it to you this way: I have a Bachelor's Degree, and I made mostly straight "A's" while in college. If intelligent folks such as myself see more in Monroe than just the 'ditzy blonde' quality, then hey, there must be something more to her. Think that one over for awhile.

Top: Monroe, (1953) Bottom: just one of a billion times Madonna has ripped off Monroe, (1983)

Words cannot begin to describe how much I loathe and detest the pop singer Madonna.

Monroe is nothing like Madonna (even with her imperfections, Monroe out-classes Madonna at every turn, for one thing), so how or why anyone can claim to like both women is beyond me.

Not to mention that Madonna exploited Monroe for her own gain. By that, I mean that Madonna stole and ripped off Marilyn's look and style for a large part of her career, from the early 1980s to the mid-1990s.

Why be a fan of a trashy second rate Monroe impersonator (i.e., Madonna) when you can be a fan of The Real Thing, The Original?

Monroe had true acting ability, and for the most part, she seemed sweet, kind, humble and approachable. Madonna, on the other hand, is the slutty, arrogant cheerleader type we all hated when we were back in high school.

Please, don't dishonor Marilyn by liking Madonna.

Many times over the years, I have heard Marilyn run-down and bad-mouthed in person, or else on t.v. programs, magazine stories or on the web, and it's usually based on ignorance and incorrect information.

Since I have written an essay on this elsewhere ("Answering Criticisms About and Objections to Marilyn"), I won't comment more on it here.

Above: Marilyn with Bob and John Kennedy

I will probably get hate mail from other Marilyn Monroe fans for this, since there are some who are adamant that Monroe was murdered, but here it goes anyway.

I don't think Monroe committed suicide, and yes, she may have slept with JFK once or twice, but I seriously doubt the conspiracy stories -- which are nothing more than profit-making rumor mills for those who peddle them via their books and t.v. appearances -- are true.

And please let me be absolutely clear that I do not like the Kennedys at all. The Kennedy men are generally immoral, sexist, womanizing swine, so I am in no way trying to defend them.

ROBERT SLATZER

The supposed 'murder cover up' theories have become a gravy train for the likes of the Robert Slatzers in the world (though he's not the only one; he passed away in early 2005, by the way).

(I have often wondered, does Slatzer actually have a job, or does he make his living at writing Monroe / Kennedy exposes or what?)

And folks, there is no "red diary," and Marilyn never said, "I'm going to blow the lid off this [my affair with Kennedy] whole damn thing." (That last line has to be Slatzer's favorite, since he quotes it in almost every single interview he has ever given.)

I do believe that while Slatzer did meet Marilyn at least once in his life and had a few photos taken with her, that some of his other photos, which he has had printed in his books or magazine interviews, are not genuine.

^ The horribly faked photo. Next time, Rob, hire a professional graphic designer to do your forgeries, LOL

There is one such photo that was so obviously forged that it's not funny

-- examples: although this photo was taken outdoors, the light source was coming from two different directions, showing that he had her image pasted into one with him in it.

One can also see a dark line atop Marilyn's left shoulder (your right) indicating that the original image of Monroe was taken from one that had a darker colored background than the one Slatzer pasted it into --

-- and one does not have to work as a graphic artist, such as myself, to be able to pick up on such visual blunders.

I am far more fascinated with Marilyn's life and her film performances to leave much time to dwell on her death.

I've never fully understood why some fans are so consumed with how and why Monroe died. She's gone, and what we have left are her pictures and movies; accept it.

Granted, DiMaggio and Miller weren't exactly hot, but if you were the biggest female sex symbol of the 20th century, would YOU have slept with any of these guys (see photos below)? Didn't think so. ^ Jerry Lewis / ^ Uncle Miltie ^ Ted Jordan / ^ Bob Slatzer

What male in Hollywood who was around back in the 1950s has NOT claimed to have been Marilyn's lover?

You have your Ted Jordans and Robert Slatzers (both of whom I consider frauds).

Then you have your Milton Berles, Jerry Lewis-es, and others who have stepped forward, 40 years or more after Marilyn's death, to claim they bedded her back in the 1940s, '50s, or '60s.

Great, guys, make claims about a woman who is dead and can't give her side of the story.

And I don't believe Marilyn would have given any of you one nano-second of her time. Losers.

I am not against Marilyn impersonators per se, only a very select group.

Above: Another entry into the poorly - done and tacky professional Marilyn wanna-be category. It's some idiot who bills himself as "Dead Marilyn."

Many Monroe impersonators I see in t.v. commercials "ham it up" way too much. They are not so much offering an impersonation of Marilyn as they are doing a caricature of her, and believe me, there is a difference.

In these bad 'impersonations' Monroe is usually portrayed in television skits or commercials as being ultra, ultra "ditzy." Her mannerisms (and often times her soft, baby-like voice) are exaggerated to the point of absolute absurdity.

When the portrayls get that flawed, ludicrous and unrealistic, it brings me to think that it's Betty Boop who's being impersonated, and not Monroe.

If you are going to portray Monroe, do it right or do not do it at all.

^ Some Like It Hot ^ Seven Year Itch Monroe spends most of her time in black colored garments in 'Hot'. The white dress she wears in 'Hot' doesn't even remotely resemble the one from 'The Seven Year Itch.'

I've seen this often enough: somebody on e-bay, or in a Marilyn book, a magazine or what not, getting their Monroe films mixed up.

It is usually done by having a Monroe photo (or item) of Monroe wearing the white halter dress from The Seven Year Itch with a caption that reads, "And this is Marilyn in the famous skirt scene from Some Like it Hot!"

People who manufacture Marilyn thermometers almost always do this. They will feature Monroe, with white dress blowing upwards, with the phrase "Some Like It Hot!" above her head.

--uh, no, guys. In Some Like It Hot, Monroe wore a black dress. (Yes, I know she wore a white dress in the 'yacht scene,' but you know what I'm trying to say.)

Above: And it's always this particular 'Seven Year Itch' photo. Why not use the one below for a change?

Okay, okay, I realize that Monroe in the white dress billowing up from a passing subway from The Seven Year Itch is probably the single most iconic image from her career and for that matter, of the 20th century.

Really, I get it.

So some Monroe fans may think this heresy, but I get very tired of seeing that pose in any of its forms. (For some reason, I've never really cared for it.)

Not only are Itch photos of Marilyn the ones most usually used in stories about her, but it's almost always the one shown above to the left (on top).

The journalists, editors (or whomever), can't even be bothered to choose a photo of her in this dress in a different pose.

I also think she looks much better in other photo shoots (not that she looks bad in Itch, mind you), and Itch is not one of my favorite Monroe films anyway.

But I'd say that about 85% of the time, whenever a magazine or newspaper does a Monroe story, they choose one of her 'white dress' photos. When a company releases a new Monroe product (say, a doll for example), 95% of the time, it's usually the 'white dress' from Itch.

Because I comment on this on another page of the site, I won't get into it too much here. If you are a Marilyn fan, though, you know exactly what I mean because you've seen it happen too and find it just as annoying as I do!

Above: Jayne Mansfield Above: Marilyn Monroe. Not Jayne. Marilyn. Mar - i - lyn. Got that?

-- will be adding more complaints and musings as they occur --